HATE turning 19

I hate feeling old

seriously..

what?

I was in my car driving back home from bandar utama

Having cursed a poor random pedestrian crossing the street so abruptly

and scared the crap out of me

I switched the radio station to Hitz.fm as I cant stand listening to

the bands only my grandma knows..

and there was this song...

At first, I thought it was only a song with catchy music with good tempo-

you know....the kind of bands with eccentric-looking lead singers, probably with thousands of peircings everywhere, head-banging and looked as though trying to squeeze their brains out of their nostrils. And that killer move that they do...It's like magic when everyone in the band managed to jump simultaneously holding gigantic guitars and landed smoothly on their feet and their hair still manage to stay out of their eyes..

I mean...wow

(How did they do that???)

the song was mainly about being young

and how you should do everything that you want (illegal or not)

while you're still not over 18

why should'nt I go and be rebellious?

cause trouble and throw tantrums?

I dont have a lot of time left being a teenager anyway

"but let's not ask why it's not right,

you won't be seventeen forever"

so true...

having reading the lyrics myself

I cant help telling myself that Ive been stupid and lame

by staying indoors and resorted to nerdy-ness during my teenage years

ouch! hearing myself thinking about uncomfortable truths

tend to sting a bit...

so, being the pathetic person that I was destined to be, spent the entire day sulking

and plotting ways on how to fulfill my job as a teenager

Conquering the world with our awesome power of depression by draining happiness

out of people's lives seems a bit hard

because... first, you'll need an army of depressed teenagers

second, the weather's been hot lately...the ideal condition would be rain and murderous thunders.....

And by the end of the day

I still havent worked anything out

That night,

While I was absent-mindedly engrossed in homework

Mum texted me

asking me when I'll be home for the weekend

somehow, at that moment, my stomach deflated like a punctured balloon followed by

a feeling so intense, I thought the balloon will magically inflate and burst so hard

until a hole appears right where my dinner should have been...

Mum...

just.one.word

my whole self fell back to earth with an unpleasent bump

ouch-

I forgot that I have a family and how I should be happy and grateful

I forgot that I have responsibilities

I forgot my vow earlier this year

and I forgot God

How I managed to erase my plans of world destruction so easily still suprises me

that night, I slept with a smile on my face

something so rare

I said to myself...I dont have to destroy the world

we've got natural disasters for that

but, the world would be awfully dull without us...wont it?