why is it so hard to talk to people?

or something like that...



-Sorry Mr. Derick, I cant remember the question-


Wait, before I start writing, I just want to say that I LOVE '1000 years of good prayers'...(thanx for the heads up hany). I dont know why people said it was so boring and heck, somebody even warned me to bring food when I wanted to watch the movie..because I might fall asleep.


So I brought food
and drinks
and extra pillows..
hot chocolate too
and napoleon~


I think the movie is very adorable and sad because it made me cry..
hahaha
I regreted writing that...but never mind, I'll live.

Why is it SO hard to talk to people?
why
why
why
why
why?
honestly, I think it is because of unfamiliarity.. (I hope that word exists) and indifference amongst two people that causes awkward conversations and angry silences.

ececece

ehem..., moving on-


I have never been a great talker. But Im a great listener, to an extent. Somehow in conversations, I prefer being the one with the intent stare and obedient noddings rather than the one with their mouths getting busy. I dont really have a specific reason as to why I find it so difficult to talk to people. There's always the reason 'because I dont want to..' but that would make me seem so rude and obnoxious...which Im not.


In the movie, Yilan finds it hard to talk to her father because of her perception of his character, past experiences of her silent childhood and she feels that her father would not understand whatever it is she's going through. period.


I partially blame the father for the neglection he'd given her when she was young, and I also blame the daughter for mistreating her father which happens to be very old and very fragile. Older people take things too personally sometimes, even if it is personal...


For example, Im extracting my own personal experience with my grandmother, two years ago.
You see, my parents were in mecca and grandma was sent to the house to take care of us. etc,etc.. and in the end, me and grams were in a really bad disagreement and I hated it when Im the cause of the disagreement. She thinks she is caring, but Im suffocating. She's not mum and I was trying to prove her that. She cant understand why I dont want to be around her as much but I cant tell her that I need my own space because she wont get it.

So, two years later, as in now.. me and grams is still in this really awkward position where I cant be in the same room with her, let alone have a real conversation with her. Maybe thats why the movie had a very appealing taste to me. It reminded me a lot about me and the people in my life. I kind of created a scene on my own, in my head, as I watch the movie..and how much those two characters reminded me of myself and dad. There's a whole other story as to how me and dad grew awkward with each other. In conclusion?.. I.am.a.bad.person.


Difference in age makes it hard to start a conversation. We dont get them. They dont get us.

Bitter experiences refraines conversations too, because we know who the other person is, and how they made us feel.

Insecurity blocks sincerity because the other person is a stranger to us. And the stranger could be a rapist, a doctor, a player, and even a salesman.

Culture. and some more culture. Its hard to believe culture is blamed for the changes all of us are going through. The generation has changed and the world is tangled up in one another and sacrifices must be made.

Opening up makes us vulnerable and it could hurt us. There's too much pain in this world and some people just cant bear it any longer. Somehow, self-confinement is a more popular option.

Lazy-ness is a factor. And Im up for it 100%.
:)


So, thats it.
thats is why its hard to talk to people~

#31 on to do list before I die

my first poem

squeezed from utter horror and manipulation

without sympathy

from EaLD

hours of endless worry

trying to do something

I have never done in my entire life

no...no,

Im not complaining...

A lot of people dont get the piece when I present it

thats alright though

I wrote it so that people wont understand anyway

Thus, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

THE SANDMAN

It all started when I was 10 plus 3,

I was hiding from the time way up high in a tree,

He's calling me from every nook of possibities,

To change me, body and soul without boundaries.

One night when all seem gone in a distance,

The Sandman made me a promise and told me a secret,

"You will grow up to be old and wise, with a little bit of patience..."

So, he left that night holding something so sacred.

And I sat by the window-sill, singing to all that glimmers,

I was upset and worried when the Sandman told me of his plan,

I refused to spend summer after summer,

"Oh, how I wanted to fly like Peter and Wendy to Neverland..."

The Sandman didnt come again but he wrote me a letter,

"Take a chance, dear one or you will suffer..."

I refused to move and I buried my feet in time,
Strong and still even if it is a crime.

Wrath and his friends did come my way and I was scared to approach them,

He kicked me at my heart and took out all of my honesty,

They chased me down roads of sorrow and alleys of condemn,

Exactly how Rasputin haunt and torment the Royals without pity.

I hold up my hands in defeat and fell to my knees,

"Leave me alone and I will take what time has given me..."

The Sandman slides down the ladder of hope and gave me my peace,

He wiped sand from my eyes so that the future is all I see.

If you dont know who the Sandman is, go google him

Rasputin too, from the Russian history

Peter Pan and Wendy?

The poem is mainly about not wanting to grow up

and obstructing nature's course will cause you pain and suffering (I think)

^_^

sink the big ship

Guess me and tragedy-stricken movies

really do go along so well...

Like that movie way back when I 'was' young...

I forgot what it's called...'Daylight' or something..

where a bunch of people got stuck in a tunnel because of a fire

and they were caved in, not to mention water filling the tunnel up,

thus need to hurry before air runs out and everybody dies.....

of course not everyone died....

except for this guy who got left behind.

Its rather sad really~

And what about 'The Day after Tomorrow'?

jake gyllenhaal?

and that guy from Jurassic park? (dang, I forgot his name)

lots of snow and water..

this big ship amongst new york's buildings?

yeah

and a lot of people died-

Watching this type of movies

I dunno

I could say it gave me the excitement,

teetering at the edge of the seat

seeing big things crumble to the ground like biscuits

amazed of the higher power taking back everything

and how we should be ready to embrace death...

And thus,

I am proud to say that I have hereby

watched 'Titanic' for the first time

I can only imagine roomie clapping her hands to congratulate me

oh, you should've have seen her face when I told her I havent seen Titanic...ever

her eyes got so big and round

like when you're at the peak of a roller coaster ride

haha

so funny *diabolical laugh*

(alaa, nadon still pretty what...)

and she's all like..

"You havent seen Titanic????"

and a story....

Being the academic journal this blog is

I feel like a bit of history fits in just fine....

The Titanic was a British registered four funnelled ocean liner built for the transatlantic passenger and mail service between Southampton and New York.

It was at the time the largest vessel afloat.

On April 10th 1912 the Titanic set sail from Southampton with 2,200 passengers and crew,

four days later the Titanic collided with an iceberg and sank.

1500 people died and 700 survived.

The vessels would forsake speed for increased safety and comfort.

While millionaire passengers would grab headlines, vastly increased steerage capacity and accommodation for the growing middle class would drive economic success.

Even if the CGI was a bit laughable

it was quite good given the year it's produced.

When is it?... 1997?

thats like...*counting* 13 years ago

0 . 0"

so, throughout the movie

I kept reminding myself,

*it was 1997*

*this is a really old movie*

and occasionally..
*hey, why is there someone on the iceberg?*

*that is SO fake*

*snort*

and etc...

I just love his drawings.

Seeing the actor just sitting there and producing a work of art

*snaps finger* just like that

enthrals me

wahahhaa

I always thought that If I ever get to go to Australia

I'll spend an entire day sitting under a tree

and draw

just draw

but I dont sell my work

too precious~

Perhaps I'll marry someone whose willing to travel with me

(provided the moola)

and then,

I can draw all day all over the world

*sigh*

The movie

It was quite tragic actually

people dying

drowning

shot

got hit by the propellers when she sank

the ship breaking in two

when Leo and Kate was like in a potential-death situation

I was tearing my fingers apart with my teeth (figuratively)

sh*t!, dang!, was one of the few I used

and Im not proud of it

haahahaah

So, I gathered a few DO's and DONT's from the movie...

1. If you're the captain of a really big ship called Titanic, DO NOT drink tea in expensive china while looking over the horizon 24/7. I dont care if tea has nothing to do with the ship, I get so annoyed with these englishmen who just had to have tea now and then. Its like they dont drink anything else.

2. DO NOT wear pretty evening gowns to commit suicide....for obvious reasons.

3. DO NOT yell "Im the KING of the world" at the front of a ship... Too corny
4. DO NOT be too materialistic.. Hiding behind all the pretty clothes and jewelleries and even your status is a poor way to live your life.
5. DO NOT agree to marry a rich, abnoxious, narcissistic, overly-horendous man just because your mom told you to.
6. but DO fall in love with a poor boy and try to save his life when the ship is about to sink. It is SO worth it. Trust me....
   

*swoooooon*

This is so not normal for me
because I dont usually swoon over anyone

But, as hard as I try to deny Leonardo

I cannot!!!

he's just too cute for denial

^.^

My rating:

After all,

you jump, I jump right?

the best day

Im the kind of person who likes to predict

and Im happy when my predictions came true

It gave me a feeling that

everything in this world can be explained

even if the reason would be
"It just happens..."

the world isnt that complicated

it never was

Didnt think I would be wrong though..

Birthdays

is just a normal, typical day for me

I only need it to remember my pin number

and to fill in forms

just to prove Im 18

I always think its funny how

people make a big fuss out of birthdays

enlightening in some way

disturbing in another

I prefer it when people remember other people

everyday

so it'll be like birthdays every day

and another thing

Im not one of the people blessed with the ability to know what type of gift to get someone

I SUCK at choosing presents

badly....

I can show you if you like~

It was 2004

and Im 14

(obviously....)

and it was the end of year class party

you know how during that time

I dont know if it was the same for you guys or not
but if there's a class party

there's a part where you exchange presents, right?

and its always the same every year

boy gives to girl, girl gives to boy

yeah

and at my school

this is SUCH a big deal

haha

because you dont talk with boys on average, for one

if you do, you're gedix

*gawd, the world is so paranoid

at such a young age

they told me that boys are evil

so dont talk to them... *evil laugh*

except for studies

I always thought they did this

to unleash the gedix-ness in everyone

at least

at some point in their life

gosh...how helpful... -.-ll

so, being the innocent person I was back then

I was filled with joyous thoughts

of how rockin' the class party's gonna be

and cant wait to dance my pants off that night

hmm... -.-?

-too much-

but I dont have a present

to give

besides..

what do you give to boys anyway???

hey boys!!

answer me this

what do you guys want??

and release me from this suffering and confusion

Ive been trying to get the answers for that

for years

Back then,

the only source for male views

are from my dad

because

he's a guy

the only guy in my life

*and why is it when I say it, it sounds so pathetic

"hey dad?"

'hmm?'

"can you help me?"

'sure..........'

"what gift can I get for a boy?"

*awkward pause*

and there we sat

father and daughter

and thoughts of how fast the kids are growing

and how he should start worrying

and what the heck are they picking up these days?

"why do you ask?"

*trying to keep a straight face but

sadly dad, it didnt work*

"its for a class party"

'oh'

....

.....

......

'I dont know,try asking mum'

ll- -l

gee dad

thanks a lot

mum said get a book

kakngah said a brand new pen

*pen? PEN? gawd, Im not that cheap...*

but kaklong said to get a really fancy shaver

a new gilette

for manly purposes

*I dont wanna know what she actually meant*

I bought the poor soul chocolate

because boys likes to eat, right?

please say yes....

It wasnt any chocolate

Its the chocolate

king-size cadbury almond and hazelnut

how cool is that?

I spent three days wrapping and rewrapping the chocolate

and I even bought a RM3.00 bow to go along with it

It looked too good to eat

muahahhaha~

but he didnt came to the party that night

and I didnt dance my pants off either

(T.T)

Its alright
I'll give it to him in class
....

but he didnt like it

he asked me...

"Is this it?"

ouch....

"I can finish this in one night!"

ooooooouch!!!

Im such a big fan of the dramatic exit

so

I told him, fine...

and left the class

I dont know if he'd seen my eyes

it was bloodshot and terribly red

I think he did

So, technically

Ive lost faith in guys

and in chocolate

I didnt touch another cadbury since then

that was the history of how I realised that I suck at picking presents

and I ended up giving money to people instead
go and buy your own present la

.

..

...

....

.....

wait,

I meant to write about something else actually

dangit!

17th April every year...

that day is my birthday

I was highly observant to notice the trend

of how birthdays are celebrated in this new town

Its always the night before the day

at exactly 12.00 pm

good

I know now

and I can prepare myself for it

I can always act suprised

its not that hard to fake an expression right?

so

11.57 pm, 16th April

me waiting for the suprise to happen

too bad guys

I already see it coming

You can neva mess with a psychic

:D

hoho~

and I was right

3 minutes later

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANA!!"

from the girls next door

*fuh! glad thats over*

no more suprises

but where are the wishes from my housemates?

this is weird

this is not suppose to happen

it contradicts with my prediction and observation

not a single wish

not even from my roomie

*sob3*

could it be that Im THAT insignificant in their lives?

to tell you the truth

I was a wee bit dissapointed and sad

but no matter
I understand the world doesnt revolve around me
Im not gonna be all sad and pathetic just because people dont remember my freaking birthday

*yosh!!*

and thus

I manage to slip myself away

from blushing in front of my classmates

when they sing HAPPY BIRHDAY to me

the next morning

dont get me wrong

Im just terribly shy

but thanks a lot guys!!

and I do love all of you

To cover the sadness in me

I tried to make the best of my pitiful birthday

by splurging myself

yeah

me buying presents for myself

nad, me, ajin, and hany

ate pizza

bought shoes

clothes

and rabbito

hoho

mind you

I did spent a lot of money that day

but more importantly

I was happy...to an extent~

that night

I was happy again

because I can now watch the whole season 3 of heroes

*I loves my vuze*

.

..

...
....

.....

sylar was about to kill somebody

and eat their brain

and hayden looked like she's wearing a wig

when suddenly...

"NANA!!!!"

"your car alarm is going off..."

huh?

who would ever want to steal my crappy car?

and at 8 too?

*bizzaro*

this must be the dumbest thief ever in existence

*sigh!*

But I love my car to bits

and went down to check anyway

it was so odd for my car to go off like that

and I actually thought that the cats had something to do with it

nad looked all worried though when I met her outside

honestly

I was pretty scared someone's about to steal my putra

but not having any other explanation for it

I double lock my car and even check the tyres and trunk

weird night..

I walked back to the house

to find the doors locked

dang!...I only went out for a couple of minutes

nobody had to go and lock the doors

*sigh*

knock3...

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!"

what?

I was literally speechless

and let out a high-pitched scream instead

why oh why didnt I see it coming

the clues

its all there

why would yana, anneh and nadira be all concerned about my car

and I almost dont want to go outside and check

because I didnt recall seeing the little alarm lights at my car keys

roomie insisted the lights were on

and it was suspicious
because the only time my alarm will go off
is when someone opened the unlocked passenger door

which will obviously set off the alarm

only a few people knew about that unlocked door
my housemates amongst them

fishy......

and why was nad outside

what was she doing?

waiting for me perhaps?

stalling me most probably

she was being all worried and everything too..
hmm...

It almost looked like an act

so carefully planned

so perfect
until even I

didnt manage to notice it

and napoleon was missing too

I just didnt see him
tati and mia manage to cloud my senses
towards napoleon and brought him to the top floor
tsk3

*some psychic*

they bought me ice-cream

laden with m&ms and cloud 9

thanks

I love you guys to bits!!!

and Im so getting revenge
you'll see

even roomie wont be safe

*evil laugh some more*

So

thats the story

hey people like me!

there's still hope

the world still loves you

dont be a loner and a nerd

and play minesweeper 24/7

my housemates said that they

planned the whole

not-wishing-me-the-night-before

and they did remember my birthday actually...

bombs away

I have an obsession

which Im pretty sure nobody else does

and its a weird one too

It gave me the creeps sometimes just thinking about it

nope

It aint boys

or shoes either

...
nothing close to handbags

and definitely aint food

lately,

Im SO caught up on minesweeper

you know...

that game that practically exists

in every computer since like..

forever

(not to mention that its free)

Im suprised a lot of people didnt know about it

Im blaming my eldest sister

for this weird behaviour of mine

ever since she taught me how to play that game

I could not stop playing

...

There's something intriguing about minesweeper

which I cant figure out

and there I sat

thinking that this game is SO tech-ish...

but

when I think about it again

its just clicking on tiles that are bomb-free

and flag the one that are bombs

and

its not even rocket-science

so much for technology savvy...

It was 8.00 pm

me

sitting in front of the computer

thinking that its still early

( I'd do my homework later)

hey,

feel like flagging some bombs

and win that overly-played game

I always play after dinner

and while Im at it

I might as well do it in the shortest time possible

just to boost my self-esteem

I'd already plan it all

just in case Im bullied by someone

I can just tell it to their face

that I've won intermediate minesweeper

in 5o seconds

(ha!..top that----)

but wait...

such victorious fantasy

will always have potential embarassment

what if some random guy

passing along heard what I said

and thinks Im being delussional

and told me

he'd finished it in 48 seconds...

...

(T_T)

suicidal

Roomie calls me a nerd

ouch!...

which doesnt suprise me...

so, believe it or not

I googled 'nerd' on wikipedia

and found out that..

quote:

'Nerd is a term often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities( hey, thanks...), esoteric knowledge (what's that?), or other(obscure?) interests rather than engaging in more social or popular activities ( lll- -l). Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people.'

....

The world is a cruel, CRUEL place

(ya hear that roomie!?)

there you go

-it's a rainy day-

The ceiling turned from blue to grey, without warning and without doubt. I lifted my hand above my head to try and touch the painter's masterpiece. The painter, I embraced his hug with a smile even if it suffocates me. His breath felt like virgin ice in early winter, so cold and my cheeks are numb. Even so, I'm overwhelmed with his presence even if it's just for a while. His tears fell from his beautiful eyes to mine, breaking my heart as I know he must leave. Inside, Mum's thunderous footsteps along the corridor whispers, telling me that today is going to take longer than usual to end.

-I wasnt able to fit any of the 'four elements' in because...well, because I chose not to- sorry

haha

A picture's worth a thousand words

well, ok..

I dont think they really meant "a thousand"
it mostly depends on the picture itself

If the picture is a small dot on white paper

I can only guess it to be a horribly drawn ant or somebody testing their new sharpie marker.

...

Just thought of sharing a few pictures I found on the internet that is meant to convey hidden meanings or something like that

I just find them hilarious...

[I do not own the copyright of any of these photographs... I am merely sharing, so dont sue me..]

Did I tell you that one day, chicken eggs are going to rule the world?

here's the proof people...right there.

they're capable of violence beyond our imaginations!!!
Even the most twisted and sick-minded person on earth wouldn't have thought about that.

next..

43% of the world hates twilight. Amongst them are ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, secretaries, gardeners, Michael Moore, that one cashier, and the popcorn guy at GSC.

So, they started this thing called 'EEW!' which stands for 'eew!!'

and began handing out informative signs (see above) to help preserve justice...for men.

Someone OBVIOUSLY hates school...

nothing else to say

I didnt get this picture at first

but the title was 'nothing to see here..GTFO plz'

oh

ok

hahahahahaha

again,

eggs are killers..

and hit-and-run victims too *quizzical brow*

and my favourite....

lol...

I was drinking barley when I read this

let's just say my mouth was opened before I had time to swallow whatever that was in it

and I havent got the chance to close them 10 minutes later

Eventhough I was laughing uncontrollably

I actually felt sorry for the roaches..

but then again, we havent got a cure for cancer too~

-_-ll

Im stuck with you guys for life...

Again, I have NO IDEA on what to write this week..I've considered writing compositions that is 'sophisticated' and 'smart' like the evolution of man or even the life cycle of a garden snail. But then again, people might think me as weird if I started telling them about the reproduction of snails...(that, and eew!!). So, mum said..quote, "Why dont you write something about how fun and exciting this family is?..." Exciting? Fun?..wow, someone might think she's talking about that ride in Disneyland we went to last year...but what the heck, I decided to give it a try anyway.



I would go to an extent where I can say that my family is...as normal as it can get. Its a mixture of two opposing things. For instance, my family can give me everything I needed and can make me suffocate out of it too. My family is the truest of friends and the worst of enemies.



Let me give you a scenario with my family... Dinner. Everybody should be downstairs no later than mum. If mum calls you from downstairs (meaning you're late), Dad will knock on your bedroom door and with a 45 degrees frown, tells you to go down NOW. haha. God, her dad must be the strict, no nonsense, hardly smiles, obey all rules kind of father with a mustache like Captain Hardcastle minus the vermillion....Nope. Definitely not. I can't really tell you about my dad's character because I dont even know myself. He may be strict but he's also understanding and negotiable. No nonsense?... That's him but he's also the guy who likes to put fries up his nose when the waiter isnt looking. His house, his rules.. no sleeping later than 2 and always make sure that the pillows are neatly placed after watching tv. But I've found out recently that instead of working, dad spent a few days in a week shopping at SOGO, Low Yat, Digital Mall, IKEA, and his favourite...Subang Parade. That explains a lot regarding the sudden delivery of TWO HUGE, PINK bean bags one wednesday evening. Yeah, and he stopped keeping a mustache ever since I told him he looked like a serial killer from CSI Vegas with a mustache.



So, back to dinner. Everybody should be downstairs to help set the dinner table and you're only excused if you've just got back from somewhere and you had to take a shower pronto. Somebody has to take the plates and glasses and put them on the table. Someone have to spoon out the rice on everybody's plates thus this person have to know the correct amount of rice each person eats. One person to prepare the drinks and each night is a different flavour of juice. Once, I tried to be smart saying that we should all drink plain water for dinner. All I got back is a smack on the forehead and the term 'lazy cow'. - -lll ...



Nobody should start eating if everyone is not seated. The fan should not be switched on anytime before so that the food will not get cold... (I know, seriously??). Dinner is like doing a chemistry experiment. Tedious, meticulous and deadly if anything goes wrong. *wink*... Everybody should wash their own plates and help clear the table. Everything should be spotless like the way it was before. Wow, talk about rules and formality, but oddly enough, dinner is the best time of the day for me.



One of the many topics of discussion during dinner is politics, the cars, me, the neighbour's kids, the leak in the upstairs toilet, me, decisions in academic opportunities, pollution, mum's piano lessons, the cats, me and the importance of vegies. No matter how hard I tried to be insignificant and quiet as possible during dinner, a naughty imp will surely stir the topic towards me. The best thing to talk about me?.. My embarassing moments~ Yup. How ironic of my sister to remember every childhood tragedies that has ever occured to me and there's even some that I couldnt recall. But she claimed that it's true as she has lived longer than me and just so happens to be there when it happened. - -lll . . . From the pea stuck in the nostril incident to the time I swallowed colgate, she remembered every single thing and would be glad to have an audience so she can retell them again without fail. help me!!! ... Thus, dinner is when a family communicates and laugh around and make jokes and sometimes being the joke has its benefits. I would'nt trade it for anything.

Unlike any other families that I know, my sisters and I doesnt share a thing when it comes to 'boys'. Just bringing the subject of boyfriends would be sure to cast 'dark' looks and awkward 'ehems!'.... Maybe its just something too personal we dont discuss about it. I've only known about my sister's boyfriend when she announced that she's getting married. It was quite a sight when my future brother-in-law came to see my parents 3 years ago. my eldest sister pre-warned us to not make any noise, stay in the kitchen and dont pop our head out the door to take any peeks at the visitor. Yeah, and dont be weird. She actually said that.. dont-be-weird. It might scare him off. haha


You see, I dont have any brother of my own so its kind of weird when a male figure is going to be a part of the family..haha,i meant, another male figure, I kept forgetting dad is also a guy. -_-ll

We were the worst. I swear there were excessive giggling and listening through doors that night. Ive never seen my other sisters so excited and giddy. Everybody tried to catch a good glimpse of this visitor but all I've got is a sight of the back of his head when he was walking out of the front door. Dang!....

In short, my family is full of love eventhough we never say I love you to one another. We always help each other out in desperate needs. It almost feel like I can count on them for anything. Sometimes your family are not the people you wanted to be with all your life, but they have stucked with you all this times and nobody could be anymore loyal than them. Hey, actions does speak louder than words, and mum was right. Disneyland was fun and exciting.

GREEN is forever

I have to admit that Ive spent the entire day trying to think of a topic for my blog post.What a way to spend my time because I have practically nothing else to do (yeah right~) . Anyway, I decided to write about the environment and nature...(Huraa!)

So there I was, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the tv, one hand holding a half-eaten nugget (my pitiful dinner) while the other is busy flicking through channels after channels. I was about to give up after sampling a ridiculous malay drama, and what do you know...there is something worth watching on tv these days. Ive flicked to something called GO GREEN and its a show thats basically about companies that made furniture from recycled stuff and etc.

Ya'll might think that this might be the dullest show ever in existence but its not...It actually gave me inspiration..

Ive never considered myself as the type of person that really puts forward the environment in any part of my life. Heck! I even showered longer than everyone else and there's never any remorse when I let the water run freely into the drain. I just know that somebody's gonna yank the shower curtains and tell me that some poor family is dying of dehydration because of my 30 minute bath and at the same time giving me a sharp smack in the face. - -lll

The people in the tv show practically done the world a big favour, and how I envy them!! They spent a lot of years building this small companies that made affordable, recyclable and trendy furnitures so that the world doesnt have to cut any more trees in their favour... Ive always wondered whether being an architect could help make the world a better place. Of course, there's something called the 'Green Building' or some other thing with the word green in front that could help sustain the future.

Having a dad that works at Sime Darby and the usual phrase stamped in front of the company's brochures and pampletes... "Developing a Sustainable Future" littered everywhere inside my house, I kind of spent some time reading this brochures in the hope of understanding what it is daddy does at work. It turns out they're doing stuff that sustains the future. Go figure. And just yesterday, the whole and Architecture group watched the time-consuming, and rather successful documentary "Bowling For Columbine". Thus, this whole week has increased my closure towards nature. And how we should not kill people out of fun, profit or even mental retardation. Yeah. And dont buy guns.

I would embrace this sudden change inside of me as a sign that the world needs helping. Maybe my attitude towards nature could change if there's another event related to nature in the coming week. But one thing is for sure though, I took my shower 10 minutes shorter than usual that day.

http://www.sundancechannel.com/thegreen/#/bigIdeas:landing

eyes are a deadly tool

If I didnt have a passion for drawing, art and being weird

I'd take psychology...

go ahead.

Snort. Chuckle.

or do whatever it is your eyebrows do

when you're suprised....

Ive noticed that I like analysing people

back when I was 10

I have a gist for reading facial expressions

so sometimes people ended up annoyed because
my attitude can change so drastically

after talking to them

let's just say that I can tell if that person
doesnt really want to talk to me

and I was hurt because they're being dishonest

[BE WARNED!: do not approach and demand

me to predict what you're thinking....

The inner eye does not see upon request~

Im not a psychic

besides, it's deathly annoying]

you can gag anytime now Nadira...

[my roomie disapproves of the word 'psychic'..

maybe she's allergic to it because she does portray the

symptoms such as excessive snorting and rolling eyes

everytime I said the 'P' word]

I find it very entertaining just sitting somewhere

and watching people live their life

It has occured to me that my hobby

does resemble something of a stalker

but I have no intention of changing to a new hobby

so, deal with it...

In the process of analysing people

the body part that is the most crucial

are their eyes

You can tell a lot from their eyes really

whether they're genuinely excited or just plain bored

whether they're lying to make you feel better about something

whether they're dying to spit something out

but instead they've kept their mouth shut

I guess the proverb

"The eyes are the windows to the soul"

are much likely to be true

I wonder who figured it out first...

That is why....

I always have trouble maintaining eye contact

when it comes to conversing with people

Im not saying that I'd stare at my shoes
throughout an entire conversation

but I would look away after approximately...

6 seconds while talking

Im merely afraid of people analysing

and judging me

Its a lame excuse really, I know...

There's just something on how the eyes lets out

a glint everytime a person sees what they like

or how a small muscle beside an eye twitched

if the person is in disbelieve

or how when the eyelid slows down to a blink

and the blink lasted longer than it should when

a person doesnt really give a damn

on what you think..

sigh~

But I do tend to believe that when something bad happens,

I will blame my faulty skills of reading facial expressions

other than admitting it

[words from the unwise to her circle of friends:

save your eyes if you know what's good for you...]

the world is so messed up

the world is thus changing

for the worst

I have a theory..

for everything that we gain

there's got to be something that was sacrificed

it's like we're paying for the changes that's happening around the world

nobody wants to take the blame

i mean...who does?

everyday, people is living in constant fear

fear of the world they're living in

they fear insecurity

they fear humiliation

they fear trust...

the world is building bigger houses to compare,

higher walls for security...

someone once told me...

people are imprisoned inside their own homes, the walls are not to keep others out but to keep themselves in from any danger

better cars to intimidate others
they pretend to have the modern lifestyles so many sought after

eventhough deep in their heart they dont really want it

nobody dares to answer this question..

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

they follow what they thought was best for them

they follow what others follow

they live how others live

this is how stereotyping begins

the next thing we know

everyone's wearing the same thing

everyone wants to eat the same food

everyone is the same

they're not unique

and that's a shame...

people live their life only to fulfill their physical desires

what they can see on the outside

BMW's, mini coopers, Mercedes

I've seen enough of them to last me a lifetime

I am so grateful the house I grew up in is in this really unpopular place

to hear the questions inquiring the location of such a place

are so common..

I'd rather have neighbours that I actually knew and occasionally talked to

than living in a place that names itself after some sort of fancy tree

or some other sort of famous place

just so the people there can feel good about themselves

I'd rather live in a place where I can be disturbed by the joyous sound of merrymaking during a wedding or festival or a simple family dinner

than a place where the people in it actualy threatens to sue their neighbours for making noise just so they can get their beauty sleep at half-past ten

I'd rather live in a place where the houses are shabby-looking

without the expensive twin gates

and the fancy light from the porch ceiling

because Ive seen them work hard at keeping their houses clean

and they dont need luxurious appliances to be happy

I enjoy watching school kids riding their bikes in the evenings laughing and eating ice-cream, still in their uniforms

than those poor souls that has piano lessons, language lessons, dance lessons, tennis practice, because their parents wants them to as they can afford it

I cannot see a sincere smile in BU anymore

the kind of smile that makes me smile when I see them smile

The contagious one

All I can see is a pre-planned life

where everyone lives everyday until they finally realised it

but it will be too late then...

skip a week

"A week is a long time..."

really?

gosh...

I never knew

and I totally disagree.

Being home for the CNY break

really puts me in high spirits.

During my last class on the previous thursday,

my head was filled with nothing but bits of fluff and dust

and the image of home.

It amazes me how fast my focus can be altered.

There I was saturday afternoon

packing in 30 minutes and carried all of my textbooks into the car.

My determination to study at home

was really encouraging back then.

but...

what do you know?

POOF!!

Its all gone the second Im home.

my textbooks was left in the trunk until wednesday.

haha

This break was not really fun for me

well, first..my parents are gone for new zealand

and Im left all ALONE at home

and with the departure of mum and dad,

Im left with the responsibility of taking care of the house

and all its contents...

what fun-

It has been total DISASTER

I cannot be trusted with a house on my own

1. I always forgot to water my mum's precious plants..oh, you would not believe how many potted plants mum has...its like she's trying to open her own nursery or something.


2. Ive always known we have some fish in the house...may it be frozen or still swimming...I dont know whats gotten into me,I forgot about the fish in the aquarium... so,technically..they were unfed for 3 days and eventually one of them died..It was flushed down the toilet...poor goldfish~


3. Ive been starving myself for a whole week...Ive never really gotten the hang to cook for myself for every single meal...so tiring..but, you can call eating mandarin oranges as a meal, right?


4. The good thing is..that Ive manage to finish most of my homework..but I have a feeling this is not gonna happen again soon.. sigh~

anyway, back to the main topic...

Its already the weekends, which means Im nearing the end of my break

and it felt like its only been 2 days

wow, being at home really makes you forget everything else....

HATE turning 19

I hate feeling old

seriously..

what?

I was in my car driving back home from bandar utama

Having cursed a poor random pedestrian crossing the street so abruptly

and scared the crap out of me

I switched the radio station to Hitz.fm as I cant stand listening to

the bands only my grandma knows..

and there was this song...

At first, I thought it was only a song with catchy music with good tempo-

you know....the kind of bands with eccentric-looking lead singers, probably with thousands of peircings everywhere, head-banging and looked as though trying to squeeze their brains out of their nostrils. And that killer move that they do...It's like magic when everyone in the band managed to jump simultaneously holding gigantic guitars and landed smoothly on their feet and their hair still manage to stay out of their eyes..

I mean...wow

(How did they do that???)

the song was mainly about being young

and how you should do everything that you want (illegal or not)

while you're still not over 18

why should'nt I go and be rebellious?

cause trouble and throw tantrums?

I dont have a lot of time left being a teenager anyway

"but let's not ask why it's not right,

you won't be seventeen forever"

so true...

having reading the lyrics myself

I cant help telling myself that Ive been stupid and lame

by staying indoors and resorted to nerdy-ness during my teenage years

ouch! hearing myself thinking about uncomfortable truths

tend to sting a bit...

so, being the pathetic person that I was destined to be, spent the entire day sulking

and plotting ways on how to fulfill my job as a teenager

Conquering the world with our awesome power of depression by draining happiness

out of people's lives seems a bit hard

because... first, you'll need an army of depressed teenagers

second, the weather's been hot lately...the ideal condition would be rain and murderous thunders.....

And by the end of the day

I still havent worked anything out

That night,

While I was absent-mindedly engrossed in homework

Mum texted me

asking me when I'll be home for the weekend

somehow, at that moment, my stomach deflated like a punctured balloon followed by

a feeling so intense, I thought the balloon will magically inflate and burst so hard

until a hole appears right where my dinner should have been...

Mum...

just.one.word

my whole self fell back to earth with an unpleasent bump

ouch-

I forgot that I have a family and how I should be happy and grateful

I forgot that I have responsibilities

I forgot my vow earlier this year

and I forgot God

How I managed to erase my plans of world destruction so easily still suprises me

that night, I slept with a smile on my face

something so rare

I said to myself...I dont have to destroy the world

we've got natural disasters for that

but, the world would be awfully dull without us...wont it?

me and my oreo

20 QUESTIONS...

well not exactly 20~

WHERE DO YOU READ AND STUDY?

First of all, my study table is where I place ALL of my books, may it be fictional or academic, random junks, odds and ends that I find hard to throw away, unfinished oreos from last week, extra bottles of shampoo and of course my school bag. >haha<

so, because of this unfortunate event of having too much stuff and not enough space to put them, and also because my study table is at the far end of the room and at a considerable distance from the one and only fan in my room at number 69, b/u 6....

I made up my mind to read and study ON MY BED~

Actually, I had this habit of studying on my bed since going to boarding school in 2003

so it is really not a big deal.... Besides, I always appreciate the presence of pillows to help and support my fall whenever I am going through this thing called 'sudden unconciousness' due to excessive reading.

(This fate is experienced by most students and is considered normal)

I know that your motto for this year, Mr. Derick, is to "Keep it simple, Keep it real". And this blog is quite the opposite. This is not a protest, it is just my style of writing. Forgive me.

WHAT IS THE BEST TIME FOR YOU TO READ?

1. Before going to bed, around 1 to 2 a.m
2. In the afternoon, after lunch
3. Whenever I am stressed with a certain deadline...Everything that I read seems to stay in my mind
4. A week before an exam
5. Whenever my reading mood is switched on

But I cannot study in the morning...I perceived sleep to be of vital importance~

HOW LONG DO YOU NORMALLY STUDY WITHOUT A BREAK?

My extra-ordinary all time record: 4 hours

But that was because I had to finish the work pronto and hand it the next day

My normal record: 1 and a half hours

My so-called 5 minute breaks lasted more than 10 minutes because I went to my friend's room with a look that potrayed a sick vampire and I was later saved by a healthy dose of laughter.

WHAT TYPE OF DISTRACTION BOTHER YOU THE MOST?

Honestly, whenever I am engrossed in some sort of work, it bothers me when other people went into my room and... hang-out. I hate it when I have work to do while they don't...(maybe because they have already done it) and they get to relax while I am in constant suffering. I do not have a problem with people and their finished homework, JUST DO NOT SHOW IT in front of my eyes...it makes me really grumpy afterwards.

Other that that, it bothers me to study on an empty stomach. How do you expect to tackle a mind-boggling math question when your stomach is constantly seeking for your attention. Besides, I am too lazy to go downstairs and fix myself a pitiful supper. (This is the part where the oreos from last week comes in handy)

ON AN AVERAGE, HOW MANY DIFFERENT ASSIGNMENTS DO YOU WORK ON IN ONE EVENING?

Well, it mostly depends on the type of assignment given and their estimated completion time. If the conditions of studying are favourable (i.e. food, pillow and music) , I would say that I could finish, at most, 2 assignments. I regret to say it is not a lot but I am proud with everything I can accomplish no matter how small it is.

WHAT TYPE OF REWARDS MIGHT WORK FOR YOU?

Eventhough I can sometimes be a person with lots of needs, whenever it comes to rewards, a simple and untidy scribble of 'Good' or 'Keep it up' at the bottom of my assignment page would be more than enough. Money and prizes would be most unnecessary but I would'nt say no to any of them either. It is good to know if a teacher supports you in your studies because I, for one will appreciate the teacher's support and thus will try to work hard in the particular subject.

AUSTRALIA movie review

hmm...

since this is my first post on my one and only academic blog

I will try my best to reduce the intensity of my sarcasm and make

this blog as innocent as it should be.

As we were reminded by Mr. Derick to go and watch Australia, my friends and I obediently went to GSC and bought tickets for the movie at 8. When I first watched Australia's trailer, I thought it was a story about two Australians being in love and the complications of being together because of a war that occured during that time. Also, a few people said it's actually a movie about Australia's history. (HISTORY?...Please don't let it be boring..) . So, i decided to find out for myself whether I'll be wasting RM9 to watch this movie or not. As it turns out, I was right in some point about the love between two individuals but I didnt see anything at the very least that tells me about Australia's history. Maybe I was too engrossed in the acting or was trying hard to understand the Australian accent and did not notice the small bits of history that was in it.

I'm not going to talk about the plot of the story because I know you have watched it multiple times, Mr. Derick. What I have obtained from watching this movie was that I got to know some parts of the lifestyle lived by aborigins and Australians living in the outback. It's astonishing to know the harshness felt by the 'black people' because of racism. They cannot receive treatment just because they are of a different race and even banned from local pubs. But I had some trouble understanding why the children of mixed races were discriminated. Does the act of racism apply even for children back then? Why do the children was sent to an island accompanied only by a christian priest?

But one thing that captured my attention during the movie was the aboriginal music played. I have been to Australia twice with my family and was familiar with the famous traditional aboriginal musical instrument in Australia called didgeridoo. Dad was thinking about buying one back then but then there will be a problem to bring it back home and later said it was too expensive anyway. The didgeridoo, in my opinion produces a really unique sound despite the fact it looks like a gigantic flute but sounds nothing like it.

One thing that did not appeal to me about the movie are the scenes when Nullah and his ancient grandfather starts talking about magic and spirits and dream songs. The director might be able to pull it off if he reduced this element of mystery in the movie so that the audiences will not chuckle and rolled their eyes everytime the actor said "I am magic man". For me, too much of this aborigins incantating while standing on one leg was a little way over the top. Somehow, I think this movie was also promoting Australia as a very beautiful country with breath-taking natural sceneries. Well, they did a good job in it as i find myself marveled even by the giant rocks in Australia. Overall, this movie is a good production as one can learn a lot about Australia by watching it. Movies that helps people understand the culture in other countries is not that bad, at least I did not need my large caramel popcorn to help me stay awake throughout the movie.